Ken Hoffman on adorable new puppy breeds and a creepy Father’s Day present

&#13 Like most hard-hitting, nevertheless moderate-mannered, columnists, I’m inundated by publicists pitching their clients’ merchandise…

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Like most hard-hitting, nevertheless moderate-mannered, columnists, I’m inundated by publicists pitching their clients’ merchandise and companies for specific events and holiday seasons, like birthdays, graduations, Xmas, weddings, Valentine’s Working day, Nationwide Warm Fudge Sundae Working day and, of class, Father’s Day — which is this Sunday.

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Most of the suggestions for Father’s Day items are predictable: apparel, slippers, restaurant gift certificates, publications, concert tickets, the dreaded tied, etcetera.

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Then, there was this, from the publicist doing work for a company identified as The Postage in Houston…

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The Postage “offers a position to store your funeral and just after-death strategies,” like document storage, password administration, leaving messages for loved types after you’ve passed, estate scheduling, even “plotting” your have funeral. The notion is be ready for when your time is up, so your household can concentrate on grieving your decline alternatively than on paperwork and logistics. It can make perception.


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Expense is $9.99 a thirty day period, a bargain when conclude-of-lifetime information can operate tens of 1000’s of bucks if you go the personal legal professional and financial advisor route. Although I recognize the want to get your items in purchase for the unavoidable, let us just say that if I get this as a Father’s Day gift on Sunday, I’ll commence sleeping with 1 eye open up.

A minor trivia
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Today’s trivia: what do these four matters have in widespread: Biewer, Dogo Argentino, Barbet, and Belgian Laekenois? (remedy at bottom)

Um, what occurred to the No Contact Record?
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Keep in mind when the Texas Legislature handed Dwelling Bill 472 in 2001 that outlawed unwelcome telemarketer phone calls and proven the Texas No Phone Record (texasnocall.com)? That was on top rated of the Nationwide No Connect with List (donotcall.gov). Penalties for each individual bothersome, unsolicited contact to possibly your mobile phone or property landline had been supposed to selection from $100 to $25,000.

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That was definitely lovable of the legislature. So how appear in the past 12 months I’ve “won” about a hundred cost-free cruises and weekend stays at Marriott and Hilton Lodges? Pest telemarketer phone calls are worse than ever.

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I know I’m not meant to solution Caller ID quantities I do not acknowledge, but I’m compulsive, I can’t resist. I constantly imagine it’s any individual presenting me a better job or misplaced relative saying I have inherited a fortune.

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If you sign up for a no call checklist and continue to get 1, you’re recommended to contact the Buyer Defense Division of the Public Utilities Fee or workplace of our attorney standard. I’d adhere with the PUC. Our legal professional general might be occupied with, you know, private issues.

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Notice to legislators, rather of investing your time dictating Texans what they can and just cannot do with their bodies, and ignoring the decrepit electric powered grid, how about accomplishing anything about stopping telemarketer calls (for genuine this time) and legalize marijuana (60 p.c help) and develop gambling (74 per cent in favor). 

Ken’s genuinely out there
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I will formally stop my personal COVID lockdown and 2020-21 self-quarantine by attending comedian Sebastian Maniscalco’s show July 21 at Wise Financial Centre in Sugar Land. He’s the absolute greatest. Then Jim Gaffigan on August 29, Ron White on Nov. 12 at Smart Money, the Astros pennant drive at Moment Maid Park, and my yearly pilgrimage to Wonderful, France. In the terms of Frank Costanza, “I’m back, child.”  

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I’m a significant tennis lover. Here’s how my standpoint on Grand Slam tournaments has transformed. I utilized to root for either Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal to gain. Now all I want is for Novak Djokovic to eliminate. Sad to say I’m not obtaining my desire recently. Djokovic has won this year’s Australian and French Opens. He’s still an unlikeable ass.

Trivia reply
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Individuals names are the four most recent breeds of dog identified by the American Kennel Club in 2021, and eligible to compete in the Westminster Pet dog Demonstrate. The Biewer is a extended-haired toy terrier, Dogo Argentino is a solid, muscular pooch with a sleek coat, Barbet is a bearded canine with curly hair, and the Belgian Laekenois (pictured) is a shepherd with a shaggy pet tale.

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There are more than 200 breeds of canine — not including my mutt Sally who was advertised as a Schnauzer who would weigh about 35 lbs ., but turned out to be a Wheaten Terrier blend who now weighs 70 lbs. I’m sleeping 50 % off the mattress mainly because of her. Moreover she’s acquired the Jimmy leg.

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If it suggests anything at all, I guessed that Biewer, Dogo Argentino, Barbet, and Belgian Laekenois were types of wine.