Welcome! We are all so joyful you are below. Specifically our pandemic pet dog, Fauci. His favored nicknames are Dan Levy, Ali Wong, and Minimal Lovely Cute Head, but he will unquestionably also reply to the Fauchmeister, Fauci Claus, the Fauci Fairy, and Hello.
Although we have not remaining residence (or him) in a 12 months and a half, he’ll most likely tolerate you if you comply with these very simple guidance:
Fauci eats two and three-quarters occasions a working day. First meal is at 6:37 A.M., next meal’s when he starts projecting a Taylor Swift “Lover” vibe, then scratches himself below the collar with his again still left paw. The 3-quarter meal must be a palm-dimensions part of black-truffle Malibu sea urchin at midnight.
Fauci loves going outdoors, but only when it is not sunny. Or raining. Or too cloudy. Like, if they are moving tremendous quick, he can get tween-y. He enjoys hailstorms, however! And a smaller twister is his favorite weather conditions to poop in. His most loved weather to pee in is your sneakers.
Fauci is crate trained. All through the working day, you can just depart the crate door open so he can appear and go as he pleases. He sleeps in his crate every night time. Basically say “Night night” and behold how substantially he loves his crate. He thinks of it as his “wolf den.” But, if he starts off to whine endlessly, foam at the mouth, and dig at the crate’s corners right until his nails bleed, he really should surely rest in the mattress with you. He prefers the firmer pillow, a heating pad, and a several episodes of “Breaking Bad” before nodding off. Oh, and the kiwi diffuser.
Fauci is a extremely delicate animal. He likes when you sing “Jorge Regula” by the Moldy Peaches. He is also a admirer of Strange Al. He’s also a genius. He plays chess. On the internet. You have to make all the selections and press all of the buttons for him, however. And he helps make TikTok pasta. But, all over again, you have to “do” it all for him. He’s heading to want you to use the “My Doggy Is My Sous-Chef” apron, even nevertheless he’s honestly helpless in the kitchen area. (Do not inform him I reported that.)
Fauci is extremely affectionate and loves receiving animals, but not on his belly, legs, ears, backbone, paws, or confront. His most loved area to be petted is on his teeth. Will he growl? Of study course he will! But that’s just the portion of him which is ninety-9-for every-cent wolf. The other a person per cent of him is just a entirely human-dependent, ball-fewer pug.
When you are taking part in fetch with him, pitch knuckleballs only, remember to.
Really do not solution him when he’s feeding on, or you might find by yourself unintentionally enjoying the “hand-replacement-medical procedures match.” On that identical take note, you should do not converse to him when you feeling that he’s experience glitter-bomb-y. He is, nevertheless, a amazing conversationalist when you sense that he’s sensation Marc Maron-y, or if he declares, “Somewhere in the environment, there’s a café in which anything I say is witty and the soup is constantly incredibly hot,” which will sound extra like, “Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”
Make sure you really do not at any time go away him on your own in the household, area, or crate. I know what I explained higher than about the crate, but he’s truly not crate qualified at all.
Significant! There are to be no Craisins in the house. They are toxic to canine. Or is it raisins? I can’t try to remember. So be sure to do not consume while you are here.
We know that you and Fauci will have a fantastic week! We can truthfully say that he’s the best doggy in the planet. He’s the only dog we’ve at any time enable bite the fingers that feed him. So quite a few moments! LOL.
Thank you so significantly for being in this article. And, if something should really transpire to us during our move—I signify, “trip”—to Fiji, he’s all yours!
Hugs and arfs,